


breaking the habit

by sodun



Series: i love to make my characters suffer [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Child Abuse, Homophobia, Multi, Physical Abuse, Self Harm, Suicide, Verbal Abuse, the rarl is very brief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-07-10 07:12:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6972370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sodun/pseuds/sodun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clutching my cure<br/>I tightly lock the door<br/>I try to catch my breath again<br/>I hurt much more<br/>Than anytime before<br/>I had no options left again</p><p>----</p><p>Ron gives up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	breaking the habit

**Author's Note:**

> no other fanfic ive written has caused me this much pain
> 
> all the rarl ive written has been fairly carl centric so i decided to write something focusing on ron and this is what i came up with nice
> 
> based off of the song breaking the habit - linkin park
> 
> major trigger warning !! see tags. stay safe frens
> 
> ps there is absolutely nothing i can do to fix the html ive tried everything the lyrics are meant to be bold & italic

__**Memories consume  
** Like opening the wound  
I'm picking me apart again  
You all assume  
I'm safe here in my room  
Unless I try to start again 

Shaking hands squeeze bony knees as Ron hugs his long legs to his chest, his pounding heart and panted breaths the only sounds he can hear. Silent tears roll down his pale cheeks, but he makes no move to wipe them. Instead he sits, back flush against the hard wood of his door, eyes fixed on the cream colored carpet below him. Soft strands of cool brown invade his vision as he tips his head down; he reaches up with one appendage to tug them roughly.

__**I don't want to be the one  
** The battles always choose  
'Cause inside I realize  
That I'm the one confused 

Memories of moments that seem so distant but were truly mere minutes ago overtake his senses. Pain flares through his ribs as he closes his eyes, images of his father's boot colliding with the fragile bones on his left side being projected on the backs of his eyelids. His fathers voice, angry and humorous and sarcastic all at once, echoes throughout his mind. Cruel words escape the man's mouth, entering Ron's head through his ears and making a home in the front of his mind. _Worthless, nasty, cock-sucking sinner._ The harsh voice sneered as his foot connected with the teen's body, a groan escape him throat against his will. _What if I killed you right now? Beat you half to death then left you here to bleed out? Who would even give a shit? No one, not even your faggot boyfriend._ More kicks. Ron can hear his mother yelling at Pete to stop. He doesn't.

__**I don't know what's worth fighting for  
** Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I know it's not alright  
So I'm  
Breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight 

The replaying of his father's hateful words bring on the thought of Carl. Of the two icy blue orbs that Ron always finds him self lost in. Of his soft, dark locks that always smells like mint when Ron nuzzles his nose against his scalp. His pouty, always soft lips that Ron had kissed just hours before. Ron couldn't help but mull over his father's words; would Carl care if he was gone?

__**Clutching my cure  
** I tightly lock the door  
I try to catch my breath again  
I hurt much more  
Than anytime before  
I had no options left again 

A sob rattled Ron's entire body like an earthquake as he covered his face with his hands, his salty tears absorbing into his palms. No matter how much he shook his head, he couldn't get the memories to leave. Memories of all the times he'd been told to kill himself, by his father, by his peers. Was that what they really wanted? Of course it was. They wouldn't have said so otherwise.

__**I don't want to be the one  
** The battles always choose  
'Cause inside I realize  
That I'm the one confused 

Sniffling, Ron makes his way up to his feet. Trembling fingers pinch the cool metal lock on his doorknob, twisting to the right until it clicked. He crosses his bedroom in long strides, hastily yanking open the top drawer of his dresser. Without a second thought, he reaches a hand in, blindly pushing around soft t-shirts until he feels the smooth leather beneath his finger tips.

__**I don't know what's worth fighting for  
** Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight 

The teen shuffles over to his bed, leather sunglasses case in hand. He collapses onto the springy mattress, ignoring the way it groans under his weight. Cracking his spine, Ron flips onto his stomach and props himself up with his elbows. He fumbles with the glasses case, breaking the magnetic connection between the two sides and allowing the contents to dump out onto the bed. The cuff of his hoodie sleeve slides down his arm, stopping in a pool of fabric just past his elbow. Thin lines, some white, some purple, and some still pink crossed the soft flesh of his inner wrist. The scars served as reminders of all the times he'd been too afraid to finish himself off.

__**I'll paint it on the walls  
** 'Cause I'm the one at fault  
I'll never fight again  
And this is how it ends 

Ron trapped one of the small pieces of sharpened metal between his finger tips. Without further hesitation, he slid the blade across his skin, hissing as a trail of blood followed the cold steel. The ruby liquid pooled within the confines of his flesh before spilling over, a watery trail dribbling down his arm. The feeling was familiar, yet somehow he never really got use to it. He pressed the razor against his wrist once again, harder this time, dragging it down instead of across this time.

__**I don't know what's worth fighting for  
** Or why I have to scream  
But now I have some clarity  
To show you what I mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight 

Wide eyes watched in awe as blood escaped the wound, running down his arm faster than he'd seen before. Ron could tell just by looking at it that it was deeper than he'd ever gone before. A sadistic grin split his face as he rolled onto his back, outstretching his arms and legs like a starfish. The teen wasn't sure if this was the end, but if it was, he decided that would be fine.

As the world slowly slipped away from Ron, he faintly registered the sound of Carl's ringtone emitting from his phone.


End file.
